Double Entry Journal: #10

"And all the books you’ve read have been read by other people. And all the songs you’ve loved have been heard by other people. And that girl that’s pretty to you is pretty to other people. And you know that if you looked at these facts when you were happy, you would feel great because you are describing “unity”.It’s like when you are excited about a girl and you see a couple holding hands, and you feel so happy for them. And other times you see the same couple, and they make you so mad. And all you want is to always feel happy for them because you know that if you do, then it means you’re happy, too. I just remember what made me think of all this. I’m going to write it down because maybe if I do I won’t have to think about it. And I won’t get upset." (page 96)

- This quote is very hard to digest and very powerful. It makes me feel bad for Charlie, and also very depressed. It starts out as if it's going to end well, but then it ends with anger and grief. Charlie always seems to be able to find bad things inside of good things, and good things inside of bad things. In this case, Charlie is finding a way to make a good thing (unity) into something bad, (more than one guy liking the same girl.) But sometimes jealousy gets in the way of unity, and I believe that is whats going on here in this quote. 

"I walk around the school hallways and look at the people. I look at the teachers and wonder why they're here. If they like their jobs. Or us. And I wonder how smart they were when they were fifteen. Not in a mean way. In a curious way. It's like looking at all the students and wondering who's had their heart broken that day, and how they are able to cope with having three quizzes and a book report due on top of that. Or wondering who did the heart breaking. And wondering why." (page 142)

- This quote is a lot like other quotes Charlie writes. They are all about him trying to imagine what other people are like, and what they're story is and what they have been through. I think he does this because he wants to know that there are other people that might be going through the same problems as him, and able to relate to him. Or if there are people that have it worse, so he wont feel as bad for himself. But I believe that everyone have these thoughts, because everyone wants to feel as if they understand.

"And I guess I realized at that moment that I really did love her. Because there was nothing to gain, and that didn't matter." (page 179)

- I believe that this was a breaking point for Charlie, and that for the first time he could let things go and go and actually go with his heart, because he didn't care what the outcome would be.

Double Entry Journal: #9

"I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning." (page 94)

- This quote scares me a little bit because you can tell he's having suicide thoughts, but doesn't describe them as suicide thoughts, but as innocent idea's and thoughts. And he knows having those thoughts are un-healthy, but he still has them even knowing they're unhealthy and doleful. You can also tell he doesn't want them to be suicide thoughts because of all he went through with Michael. 

"Sometimes, I look outside, and I think that a lot of other people have seen this snow before. Just like I think that a lot of other people have read those books before. And listened to those songs. I wonder how they feel tonight."  (page 95)

- I relate a lot to this quote. I also wonder how other people might have felt when they saw, heard, or read what I have. Or how what they have felt relates to how I felt, and how different people interpret different songs, books, or weather, or images differently based off their life and past experiences. Or how it has taught them, and if it changed any of their ideas or decisions later on in their life.

"Everyone else is either asleep or having sex. I've been watching cable television and eating jello." (page 94)

- I believe this quote is funny and shows who Charlie really is as a person. Its a great contrasting perspective, and makes me wonder what my life is like compared to other teens out in the world. I can tell by this quote that I am a lot more like Charlie than I thought. Although I'm not particularly a fan of jello. 

Double Entry Journal: #8

"I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying. Doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't." (page 73-74)

- I feel that I also do this a lot. I look at kids and wonder what they are going to be like when they're my age, or older. I wonder what they will do, and what kind of person they will become. I also look at adults, or senior citizens and wonder who they are and what they have gone though throughout their lifetime. It's almost as if I'm judging them based off the way they approach me or look, as I try to figure out what their story is. I know that seems bad, but It keeps my imagination running. 

"when you look at yourself in the mirror and you say your name. And it gets to a point where none of it seems real. Well, sometimes, I can do that, but I don't need an hour in front of a mirror. It just happens very fast, and things start to slip away. And I just open my eyes, and I see nothing. And then I start to breathe really hard trying to see something, but I can't. It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does, it scares me." (page 74)

- In this quote, Charlie sounds as if he's hallucinating, and going a little bit insane. I think this can happen even if you aren't saying your name. Any word can have this effect, if you say a word too many times in a row it starts to sounds weird and you start to feel as if you're loosing your mind. The same thing can happen when you just look at yourself in the mirror for too long, because you notice things about you you didn't notice before, but when you start to talk, it connects your sight, hearing, speaking and mind all at the same time on one object. And I think that can drive anybody crazy. 

"Little kids talk about the strangest things. They really do." (page 86)

- I agree with this quote because children’s way of thinking and perspectives are a lot different than adults or teens. They can bring different/weird ideas and perspectives to the table since they don't know as much, or have the same knowledge as people older then them. So what kids usual talk about, might come across as a little strange, since they are using their imagination so they can have a better understanding of how things work in their minds. 

Double Entry Journal: #7

"He also said I should use the vocabulary words that I learned in class like "corpulent" and "jaundice." I would use them here, but I really don't think they are appropriate in this format." (page 14)

In the book, Charlie never defined "corpulent" or "jaundice", so I had to look them up for myself. 

corpulent |ˈkôrpyələnt|adjective - (of a person) fat.ORIGIN late Middle English: from Latin corpulentus, from corpus ‘body.’
jaundice |ˈjôndis|noun - a medical condition with yellowing of the skin or whites of the eyes, arising from excess of the pigment bilirubin and typically caused by obstruction of the bile duct, by liver disease, or by excessive breakdown of red blood cells.• bitterness, resentment, or envy.ORIGIN Middle English jaunes, from Old French jaunice ‘yellowness,’ from jaune ‘yellow.’ The sense ‘bitterness’(late 16th cent.) arose from the traditional association of the color yellow with jealousy.

"Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lineshe wrote a poemAnd he called it "Chops"because that was the name of his dogAnd that's what it was all aboutAnd his teacher gave him an Aand a gold starAnd his mother hung it on the kitchen doorand read it to his auntsThat was the year Father Tracytook all the kids to the zooAnd he let them sing on the busAnd his little sister was bornwith tiny toenails and no hairAnd his mother and father kissed a lotAnd the girl around the corner sent him aValentine signed with a row of X'sand he had to ask his father what the X's meantAnd his father always tucked him in bed at nightAnd was always there to do it
Once on a piece of white paper with blue lineshe wrote a poemAnd he called it "Autumn"because that was the name of the seasonAnd that's what it was all aboutAnd his teacher gave him an Aand asked him to write more clearlyAnd his mother never hung it on the kitchen doorbecause of its new paintAnd the kids told himthat Father Tracy smoked cigarsAnd left butts on the pewsAnd sometimes they would burn holesThat was the year his sister got glasseswith thick lenses and black framesAnd the girl around the corner laughedwhen he asked her to go see Santa ClausAnd the kids told him whyhis mother and father kissed a lotAnd his father never tucked him in bed at nightAnd his father got madwhen he cried for him to do it.
Once on a paper torn from his notebookhe wrote a poemAnd he called it "Innocence: A Question"because that was the question about his girlAnd that's what it was all aboutAnd his professor gave him an Aand a strange steady lookAnd his mother never hung it on the kitchen doorbecause he never showed herThat was the year that Father Tracy diedAnd he forgot how the endof the Apostle's Creed wentAnd he caught his sistermaking out on the back porchAnd his mother and father never kissedor even talkedAnd the girl around the cornerwore too much makeupThat made him cough when he kissed herbut he kissed her anywaybecause that was the thing to doAnd at three a.m. he tucked himself into bedhis father snoring soundly
That's why on the back of a brown paper baghe tried another poemAnd he called it "Absolutely Nothing"Because that's what it was really all aboutAnd he gave himself an Aand a slash on each damned wristAnd he hung it on the bathroom doorbecause this time he didn't thinkhe could reach the kitchen." (page 70-72)

- This poem was very touching and interesting. It really does leave me speechless, but full of thought that I cannot put into words. But what really got my thinking, was where it was placed. The poem in the book isn't placed when Charlie reads it, but placed later on the same night after Sam kisses Charlie. I was curious whether or not it was intentional to put it there, or if Charlie was waiting to put it the end of the letter for that day. 

"It might make me miss him more clearly. It might have made sad sense." (page 4)

- This quote was worded weirdly to me. It believe that Charlie is trying to say that he hasn't quite gotten used to the fact that his friend Michael is gone forever, and can't "clearly" miss him because Charlie believes that Michael might come back.