Double Entry Journal: #10

"And all the books you’ve read have been read by other people. And all the songs you’ve loved have been heard by other people. And that girl that’s pretty to you is pretty to other people. And you know that if you looked at these facts when you were happy, you would feel great because you are describing “unity”.It’s like when you are excited about a girl and you see a couple holding hands, and you feel so happy for them. And other times you see the same couple, and they make you so mad. And all you want is to always feel happy for them because you know that if you do, then it means you’re happy, too. I just remember what made me think of all this. I’m going to write it down because maybe if I do I won’t have to think about it. And I won’t get upset." (page 96)

- This quote is very hard to digest and very powerful. It makes me feel bad for Charlie, and also very depressed. It starts out as if it's going to end well, but then it ends with anger and grief. Charlie always seems to be able to find bad things inside of good things, and good things inside of bad things. In this case, Charlie is finding a way to make a good thing (unity) into something bad, (more than one guy liking the same girl.) But sometimes jealousy gets in the way of unity, and I believe that is whats going on here in this quote. 

"I walk around the school hallways and look at the people. I look at the teachers and wonder why they're here. If they like their jobs. Or us. And I wonder how smart they were when they were fifteen. Not in a mean way. In a curious way. It's like looking at all the students and wondering who's had their heart broken that day, and how they are able to cope with having three quizzes and a book report due on top of that. Or wondering who did the heart breaking. And wondering why." (page 142)

- This quote is a lot like other quotes Charlie writes. They are all about him trying to imagine what other people are like, and what they're story is and what they have been through. I think he does this because he wants to know that there are other people that might be going through the same problems as him, and able to relate to him. Or if there are people that have it worse, so he wont feel as bad for himself. But I believe that everyone have these thoughts, because everyone wants to feel as if they understand.

"And I guess I realized at that moment that I really did love her. Because there was nothing to gain, and that didn't matter." (page 179)

- I believe that this was a breaking point for Charlie, and that for the first time he could let things go and go and actually go with his heart, because he didn't care what the outcome would be.